Friendship Is Not Forever

Silly me I thought it was

Silly me, I thought friendship was forever. It’s not. I have old friends who I haven’t spoken to in years but if they called or showed up right now the vibe would still be there, the chemistry would still be there, and the love would still be there. I may not know the most up to date news in their lives but I still feel close to them. We all have friends like that. It’s not time apart that kills friendships. I’m not talking about that.

I’m talking about old friends who I’ve dumped. After 20 years or whatever we are no longer friends. We have broken up. I shouldn’t say we, it’s never mutual. They did something unforgivable, and I can no longer see them the same. I can never let them be that close again because I can no longer trust them emotionally. I dumped them. I did it to protect myself, but it hurts to lose a friend.

I once thought friendship was forever. Like once you find someone who fits with you, and you have years and years of real conversations and you share special moments, like your wedding, you think, ok, that person is in my life forever. This is not necessarily what you get with romantic relationships. You know they can end. We all know marriages can end. Platonic friendships are supposed to be different.

But then something happens. They say something to you or, worse, about you behind your back. They cross a boundary. You can’t forgive or forget. Or they don’t show you the loyalty you would expect from a friend. All of these are examples of betrayal. It hurts to think that someone that close to you could betray you after all the time and love that you poured into the friendship. But if they don’t cherish the friendship like you do then…

And the thing is, making new friends is hard. After age 40 it’s easier to find a new spouse than it is to find a new close friend. People are too focused on family and career. They already have their friends. Making new ones is unlikely. So when one drops out of your life that’s it. There’s real stakes here. Most of us only have a few true close friends, so to lose one of them is to lose something that’s probably irreplaceable. And we need friends, we need people we can speak to deeply and connect with honestly, so to lose one of them is to lose something that’s important. There are no tears, but I am crying.